WHY do people say this?
Earlier this week, within the space of 24 hours, I had occasion to experience shaking with anger, and, shaking with grief.
Shortly after the shaking had subsided — a great sadness released — something dawned on me, just as I was packing my motorcycle to return home, and, just as the sun appeared, from behind a coldly cloudy afternoon.
Both experiences were all about energy. And resistance.
Or, viewed another way, both experiences were a consequence of error.
The error of holding on to energy. Resisting. Rather than letting all things flow.
Both the anger, and the grief, were a release of pent-up energy.
Energy that would not have pent up, if I had not impeded the flow.
Trying to insert “me” into this world.
Trying to influence. To correct. To shape. To steer.
This holding on, this grasping, this resistance, this seeking to control things, situations, outcomes, it was this action of “me” — natural, though it be — that held up, restricted, impeded, the flow.
Like the natural “me” resistance in a wire, impeding the flow of electrical energy.
To let it all go.
From the get-go.
Like a superconductor.
And just … watch … the flow.
There was a time when I found comfort in keeping a hand written diary, a record of my solitary reflections. These diaries — 200 page A4 spiral bound notepads — had steadily mounted up into a not insignificant pile, until more recent times, when alas, this, among other good and useful habits, found occasion to go on the wane.
Today, having a view to reviving my past practice, I rescued the last of these diaries. Here following is the second-to-last entry:
I am at “my” spot, near [withheld for privacy] Lookout. On “my” rock.
I have been blessed in recent days, while reading St John of the Cross’ Ascent of Mount Carmel. It has helped me to “see” several things, that have hindered me in recent years.
The biggest insight, being that the sense of being “idle” that comes (often, to me) when committed to the doing nothing, the isolation, that I (and many/most mystics) have found necessary to living a life “right” with God, is not truth. It is temptation; a hindrance; a distraction. It is not true. Far from being “idle” or “lazy”, being in this state is simply ceasing from “my” works, and so allowing God full access to do His work (cf. pp 166-170).
Today, I’ve not yet begun to read more. But I am convicted of an idea, regarding love. For God, or indeed, for others.
Just as, when one loves a woman, one is content just to be NEAR her … indeed, that is what one desires, simply, above all … then in this same way, we can see that there is no need to “know” / understand God (an impossibility, in any event). There is no need to be able to describe the experience, to be able to define or label it. It is enough, just to be near Him.
I sense there is much more to be gained, in comparing (true) earthly love between M & F, and the correct way to understand … in greatest simplicity … the essence of “having a relationship” with God.
It is enough to sit silently with the One we love on earth. How much more The One in heaven.