General

Remember to surrender

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Earlier this week, within the space of 24 hours, I had occasion to experience shaking with anger, and, shaking with grief.

Shortly after the shaking had subsided — a great sadness released — something dawned on me, just as I was packing my motorcycle to return home, and, just as the sun appeared, from behind a coldly cloudy afternoon.

Both experiences were all about energy. And resistance.

Or, viewed another way, both experiences were a consequence of error.

The error of holding on to energy. Resisting. Rather than letting all things flow.

Both the anger, and the grief, were a release of pent-up energy.

Energy that would not have pent up, if I had not impeded the flow.

How so?

Control.

Trying to insert “me” into this world.

Trying to influence. To correct. To shape. To steer.

To control.

This holding on, this grasping, this resistance, this seeking to control things, situations, outcomes, it was this action of “me” — natural, though it be — that held up, restricted, impeded, the flow.

Like the natural “me” resistance in a wire, impeding the flow of electrical energy.

Lesson learned.

To let it all go.

From the get-go.

To remember.

To surrender.

To chill.

Like a superconductor.

And just … watch … the flow.

 

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Strange days indeed

Nobody told me there’d be days like these
Strange days indeed — most peculiar, mama

Was I reading, meditating, or praying at that moment? I can not say. I can not recall. At the time, it did not seem especially significant.

I heard it first before, and below me. A few hundred metres distant. The clear, sharp sound of a horse’s hooves. A horse well shod — the distinct sound, one can tell. First cantering, then trotting, cantering, then trotting again, on the road’s hard-packed stony clay.

The sound came loudly on the still mountain air. I could not help but have my awareness drawn to it, for a short while. The road below, invisible from my rocky perch, screened from view by the forest of trees.

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Yet my eyes turned down — and more, I shifted to the edge precarious of my rock — to track the sound. From the south east, moving westwards, on the dead end mountain road directly below the ridge line on which I sat.

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I paused, pleasantly distracted, only long enough to absorb it. To appreciate, to embrace the experience of it. Such a distinct sound, rhythmic, and melodic, on a breathless day. So near, and so clear. That is, in contrast to the faint hum of traffic on the freeway, some five kilometres distant as the crow flies. Or the soft crunch of rubber on gravel, travelling over from the northeast, as and when a rare vehicle descended the main forest road. This horse and its rider — for a rider such a well shod, and deliberately paced horse must have — the nearest human contact I had sensed for some hours.

Human? I had no cause, and gave no pause, to entertain this question. Not at the first.

Very shortly after, I heard it again. Above, and behind me. Even closer this time. For now, the horse’s hooves beat out their rhythm on the same dead end road I had travelled, to reach my present place of rest. Cantering, then trotting, cantering, then trotting again. Drawing ever nearer, now from the north east westward.

I paused once more, to welcome the sound. To let it flow through me — how pleasantly — as I embraced it.

For a moment, I wondered if the horse and rider might come all the way to the very end of the road, and spy the narrow single track behind the public lookout’s safety rail, leading the hundred or so metres down along the ridge line to my hidden position.

But then, having again accepted the appearance of the horse and its rider, my attention returned again, to my former activity. Only some time later did it occur that these twin appearances were not so easily explicable.

This was not the only welcomed, and yet, in hindsight, strange, happening of the afternoon. There was also, shortly after, a gathering. A drawing extraordinarily near to me, of the birds.

It is, of course, not unusual for tiny birds to appear nearby, flitting, peeping, and chirping, chasing insects through the trees surrounding my favouritely frequented rock of seclusion. As I sit or lie reading, meditating, contemplating, or (sometimes) dozing, my stillness draws little notice, gives no cause for alarm. Birds will often alight in trees close by, to be startled sometimes by my movement in turning towards their sound; at other times, confident to return my gaze briefly, before moving on.

But never before have so many, come so near.

A mere handful of feet from where I rested, indeed, just above my head, almost within arms reach, a branch overhangs.

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Presently, after the sound of hoof beats behind me again disappeared, just as suddenly as they had appeared — how, and where, questions not yet occurring — a tiny bird drew my eye, darting in for landing, in a tree just in front and to my left. No more than three or four metres away. A Scarlet Robin, I believe. Black, with white, and a bold red breast. Not unlike the colours of Psalmistice.

Shortly it departed, only to be replaced by others, of different kinds. Variously, they perched briefly to observe me, before merrily flittering from branch to branch. Perhaps, or so it seemed, sporting with each other, while occasionally performing remarkable aerobatic feats in pursuit of near-invisible black dots of flying food. And all this immediately before me; not beside, or behind. In the stillness of this day, with rarely a hint of softly disturbed air, and my senses acutely tuned, every movement I could hear.

After some time enjoying this surge of feathered activity, I felt a certain compulsion. To lay down, rest, and look up. I reclined on the rock, the back of my head nestled on the thick protective sleeve of my motorcycle jacket.

Almost immediately, a little nondescript bird alighted in the leaves just above my head.

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For some time it moved about in the leaves above, looking at me, and the world around. And once again, when it moved on, others immediately came to take its place. Most spectacularly, a pair of colourful Eastern Spinebills, who darted and hovered about the foliage, so nearly within touching distance that I felt it almost possible to reach up, and gather them in hand.

Shortly after their departing, the keenness of my interest in bird appreciation beginning to wane, I turned to reading the book I had brought along. A book loaned to me, with enthusiastic endorsement, the previous day. A book about angels.

In time, I came upon a discussion of the biblical tale of Elisha’s servant. When the king of Syria sent “a great host” to capture the prophet Elisha, his servant, on seeing the army surrounding the city, was stricken with panic (2 Kings 6:8-17):

And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do?

And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them.

And Elisha prayed, and said, Lord, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see.

And the Lord opened the eyes of the young man and he saw: and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.

Earlier in his life, Elisha had experienced something very similar, when his own master, the prophet Elijah, had been taken up into heaven (2 Kings 2:1-12):

And it came to pass, as they still went on, and talked, that, behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven.

And Elisha saw it, and he cried, My father, my father, the chariot of Israel, and the horsemen thereof. And he saw him no more: and he took hold of his own clothes, and rent them in two pieces.

Now, shortly after the event where Elisha’s panic-stricken servant was enabled to see the “horses and chariots of fire round about”, who were there waiting to protect them, these strange horses make yet another appearance.  The Syrian army had moved on to lay siege to the city of Samaria. Eventually, four lepers decided it would be better to go to the Syrians and hope for mercy, than to remain in the city and surely die of hunger (2 Kings 7:3-7):

And they rose up in the twilight, to go unto the camp of the Syrians: and when they were come to the uttermost part of the camp of Syria, behold, there was no man there.

For the Lord had made the host of the Syrians to hear a noise of chariots, and a noise of horses, even the noise of a great host: and they said one to another, Lo, the king of Israel hath hired against us the kings of the Hittites, and the kings of the Egyptians, to come upon us.

Wherefore they arose and fled in the twilight, and left their tents, and their horses, and their asses, even the camp as it was, and fled for their life.

These accounts call to mind another, from the visions of St. John (Revelation 19:14):

And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.

Later in the afternoon, while meditating peacefully, all of a sudden, a number of questions began to dawn on me, concerning the hoof beats heard previously. Not only questions, but also, observations.

I know every road in this neck of the woods.

When I first heard the horse, it was moving towards the dead end of the road below the ridge line. But I never heard it returning again. Rather, the sound had stopped somewhere immediately in front, perhaps slightly to the right of and below my position. At the time, I did not really think anything of it, perhaps assuming it had simply stopped somewhere to rest.

Did the horse remain somewhere down there all afternoon? If it moved on, how could I not have heard it?

I could clearly, though faintly hear the hum of freeway traffic some five kilometres away.

And yet, the sound of those hoof beats had appeared quite suddenly to my awareness, ringing out loud and clear, only when it was, to my best estimate, no more than 500 metres distant, at about the near 180* turn in the lower road, where it rounds the end of the ridge line. If it had come along that road, then how could I not have heard it to my left as well, as it travelled along the other side of the same ridge line, no further distant than when I heard it so clearly?

Then too, what of the horse behind me? Its sound had also appeared very suddenly to my awareness; loud and clear, and very near. At other times, I could hear the sound of tyres crunching on gravel on the main forest road, perhaps a full kilometre away, from which both the lower ridge line road and the upper road both diverge. So, how could I not hear the horse approaching from behind, on the upper road, until it was, again, within no more than 500 metres of where I sat?

Moreover, I did not hear the horse below departing. And the time interval between hearing both sounds, was, I am sure, much too short for even a galloping horse to traverse all the way back along the lower road, ascend the main forest road, and then traverse in along the upper road behind me. Much less, do so silently.

Was there a second horse, then?

I have visited this place countless times, and never seen nor heard a horse there before. It was a Wednesday, not a weekend. What odds an equestrian, much less two, separately, choosing to ride way out here in the middle of the week?

And if, by some chance, there were two horses, then why did each of them — or their riders — just happen to alternate between a near identically-sequenced canter, then trot, canter, then trot, and this only upon reaching a position that, again, just happened to be so nearly equidistant from my position, and nearing the dead end of each road?

I know this place, this area, much too well to be easily self-deceived.

Indeed, so intrigued was I, as to just how these events might be rationally explained, on the way home that evening I used my motorcycle’s trip meter to go out of my way, and confirm the distance between where I had been sitting, and the approximate position on the low road where I first heard the sound of hoof beats approaching. Some four point five kilometres.

No lone horse that I know of could have travelled that distance, in that time interval. Much less in silence, for most of its journey.

There are no alternate roads, or trails. Certainly, none that a horse could travel over — and up — more quickly, and silently.

And if two horses, then why did I not hear either of them depart? Indeed, when these thoughts began to dawn on me, I left my rock for a time, to walk back up the ridge line to the upper road, just to see if a horse was there. Later, on departing, I spent some time riding around looking for any horses or equestrians who may have been about.

I was alone.

There is no doubt that I was fully awake, at all times, throughout the afternoon.

I did not begin to read about angels and “horses of fire” until after hearing these sounds, and in the moment, thinking nothing of them.

What did I hear?

And what of all those birds, gathering so near?

I cannot say.

Strange days indeed.

 

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To be near, is enough

There was a time when I found comfort in keeping a hand written diary, a record of my solitary reflections. These diaries — 200 page A4 spiral bound notepads — had steadily mounted up into a not insignificant pile, until more recent times, when alas, this, among other good and useful habits, found occasion to go on the wane.

Today, having a view to reviving my past practice, I rescued the last of these diaries. Here following is the second-to-last entry:

I am at “my” spot, near [withheld for privacy] Lookout. On “my” rock.

I have been blessed in recent days, while reading St John of the Cross’ Ascent of Mount Carmel. It has helped me to “see” several things, that have hindered me in recent years.

The biggest insight, being that the sense of being “idle” that comes (often, to me) when committed to the doing nothing, the isolation, that I (and many/most mystics) have found necessary to living a life “right” with God, is not truth. It is temptation; a hindrance; a distraction. It is not true. Far from being “idle” or “lazy”, being in this state is simply ceasing from “my” works, and so allowing God full access to do His work (cf. pp 166-170).

Today, I’ve not yet begun to read more. But I am convicted of an idea, regarding love. For God, or indeed, for others.

Just as, when one loves a woman, one is content just to be NEAR her … indeed, that is what one desires, simply, above all … then in this same way, we can see that there is no need to “know” / understand God (an impossibility, in any event). There is no need to be able to describe the experience, to be able to define or label it. It is enough, just to be near Him.

I sense there is much more to be gained, in comparing (true) earthly love between M & F, and the correct way to understand … in greatest simplicity … the essence of “having a relationship” with God.

It is enough to sit silently with the One we love on earth. How much more The One in heaven.

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How to love

In the past, I have not really understood how, exactly, it is possible to “love God”.

In simple terms.

How can you “love” some thing that is — by popular assent — beyond the reach of our five senses? Is infinite, eternal, ineffable, and unknowable? How can you truly love some thing, some One, that you do not “know”, cannot see, or touch?

Now, I believe that I do understand this.

From first understanding exactly what “God” is.

And, what “True Love” is.

True Love is God.

God is True Love.

Ok, so that’s fine, as far as it goes.

In a circle.

But how exactly do you “love” Love?

How does that help us understand how to manifest True Love? Whether to God, or, to our neighbour?

What, exactly, does God / True Love actually do?

Yield.

yield  (yēld)

v. yield·ed, yield·ing, yields

v.tr.

1.

a. To give forth by or as if by a natural process, especially by cultivation: a field that yields many bushels of corn.
b. To furnish as return for effort or investment; be productive of: an investment that yields high percentages.

2.

a. To give over possession of, as in deference or defeat; surrender.
b. To give up (an advantage, for example) to another; concede.

v.intr.

1.

a. To give forth a natural product; be productive.
b. To produce a return for effort or investment: bonds that yield well.

2.

a. To give up, as in defeat; surrender or submit.
b. To give way to pressure or force: The door yielded to a gentle push.
c. To give way to argument, persuasion, influence, or entreaty.
d. To give up one’s place, as to one that is superior: yielded to the chairperson.

 

To love God, is to yield.

To give up.

To give way.

To love some one in this world — to manifest the True Love that is God to them — means to yield to them.

To give up.

To give way.

Like the ocean. Giving way, yield-ing, to the movement of a wave.

It is that simple.

And that difficult.

Because Self does not like to yield.

Self is a force opposite to Love.

Self resists giving in.

It is clear then, why “Self” must “die”.

So that True Love can be seen.

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The best part

It occurred to me this morning, that the famous critic of religion, Richard Dawkins, and so many others too, choose to behave in a manner that is not pragmatic.

Whether by accident, or by design, the obvious truth is that they are, inevitably, perceived to be attacking religion itself.

I think they would do well to start over. To begin again, by valuing the pearl of wisdom passed down by my sagacious Nanna:

A man convinced against his will,
is of the same opinion still.

‘Religion’ has always been with us. Throughout recorded human history. That is what the evidence tells us.

A practical man, then, might be inclined to accept the likelihood that religion, in one form or another, is here to stay. And try instead, to make the best of it.

Perhaps the secret to resolving concerns about religion, and religious difference, is not to be found in trying to discredit religion. Or worse, in suggesting, or implying, that any one religion might be superior, or inferior, more “right”, or less “right”, than another.

Perhaps the secret — the secret to practical conflict resolution — is to be found in identifying that which is truly good, in each religion. And then, encouraging more of the adherents of that religion to keep it simple, by focussing their attention only on “the best part”.

Of their own religious tradition.

It seems to me that possibly the greatest danger facing humanity in recent times, is the appearance of ever growing tensions between the “Christian” West, and the “Islamic” East.

A solution, I suggest, is not to be found in the use of weapons, whether physical, philosophical, or legislative. On the contrary, if you ponder it carefully, along with my Nanna’s pearl of wisdom, you will see the obviousness of the truth. That all of these serve only to increase tensions.

It seems to me that the Christian mystical tradition, and the Islamic mystical tradition called “Sufism”, both share that which is essential to the goal of peace and love within. And so without.

A central theme, a continuous focus, on Oneness.

On the experience of being one with — of being in — the Presence of God.

Not just after (physical) death, in a placed called “Heaven”.

But here and now.

It is not possible, or so it seems to me, for any soul to truly glimpse the path to Oneness, to have an experience of Oneness — that is, to feel, if even only for a moment, a true sense of connection, with that which is Pure, Infinite, Timeless, Everywhere — and not to want for more of that connection.

And so, inevitably, in consequence, to also feel the need, the desire, to feel a greater, and not a lesser, connection to every other creature.

I can quite understand why it is that those who focus their time and commitments upon the “fundamental”, doctrinal, and essentially hierarchical traditions of their particular religion, have often exhibited a tendency to downplay, to distract, to encourage others to look away from mysticism.

In a very real sense, each religion’s own mystical tradition represents their greatest danger. That is to say, a danger to that religion’s temporal place of power in, and over, the lives of its subjects. The danger is that it comes from within.

Once a soul, whether self-identifying as “Christian”, or “Muslim”, begins to see that the central truth of their own religious tradition is found in, and through, an inner movement towards a deep and personal sense of oneness with “their” God — who, they soon begin to both feel and Know, is not “their” God only, but the God who is of, and through, and in All, the God who “lights every man who comes into the world” — inevitably, there is no longer any need felt for human authority. From someone to instruct, or command them, to be a “channel”, or “connection”, between them and their God.

For now this person has begun to Know the inner truth. The best part, of their own religious tradition.

Now it came to pass as they went,
that he entered into a certain town:
and a certain woman named Martha,
received him into her house.

And she had a sister called Mary,
who sitting also at the Lord’s feet,
heard his word.

But Martha was busy about much serving.
Who stood and said:
Lord, hast thou no care that my sister hath
left me alone to serve?
speak to her therefore, that she help me.

And the Lord answering, said to her:
Martha, Martha, thou art careful,
and art troubled about many things:

But one thing is necessary.
Mary hath chosen the best part,
which shall not be taken away from her.

One thing is necessary.

The best part.

To sit, and listen.

It’s not complicated.

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These go to twelve

So there was I, queued up bleary-eyed at Aldi, having — happily — just discovered that there is a new “12” strength Expressi coffee, named “abruzzo”. Beat that, Spinal Tap. I had no interest in the title, or the roast, of course. Only the strength number.

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Excellent. That will be the usual purchase then. A full 6 pack tray. Easier to carry with no bag that way.

A pretty young lass of no more than 20 years or so, wearing a badge bearing the word “Kayla”, went through the motions behind the till. I could not help but notice her sullen and disinterested demeanour as she scanned and swiped for the customers ahead of me.

When my turn came, I received a pleasant surprise. “Kayla” breezily sent me on my way with a sunny smile (*shock!*) and the words, “Have a good day darl.”

How nice to hear.

Of course, I have little doubt the addendum was of no significance to her, and was rather a simple matter of habit. But I am only a little embarrassed to confess that … well … it felt good.

And that feeling, got me to pondering.

About the power of a single word.

Spoken at the right time. To the right person.

Here, a good example.

Here, by happy chance, a bored young girl crossed paths with a tired old bloke who, having long since turned his back on the futility of relationship games — and the word “games” used here with intent — had, in consequence, not, in many a year, enjoyed the small pleasure of hearing a comment directed his way that might, in other context, be construed as a mild expression of personal affection.

And so, with thanks likely due to nothing more than an unconscious habit that some might, unkindly, refer to as “bogan-speak”, one little four letter word spoken aloud served to brighten that bleary-eyed bloke’s morning.

Sufficiently so as to render the 12 strength coffee (almost) unnecessary.

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“Good luck with your ministry”

Around 2 hours and 180km into my first experience of motorcycle touring, I broke free from my Thunderheader-inspired reverie just long enough to become aware that the air flowing through my perforated leathers was making me decidedly chilly.

And that Nature was calling.

Beneath overcast skies I pulled into a highway-side rest area near Douglas Park, gently rumbled past the rows of fellow travellers, before pulling over parallel the curb, right down the end just before the exit road; a lovely and slightly elevated spot, overlooking a modest dam on the left, and, most importantly, only a short walk from a door marked with the symbol of a man on the right:

Hume Highway NSW, Douglas Park rest area

Hume Highway NSW, Douglas Park rest area, southbound (-34.157157,150.73903)

I briefly contemplated leaving my helmet and gloves behind, perched nonchalantly atop the sissy bar.

Too many folks about.

A few minutes later, as I rummaged through my new leather sissy bar bag — US$59.95 at Jafrum.com — for my 100% pure merino wool long sleeve motorcycle undergarment — $30 at Aldi — a rather tall and slender older gentleman of somewhat distinguished silver-bearded appearance and dignified carriage walked over from a large 4WD that had pulled up immediately behind, and engaged me in conversation.

It’s a 1995 model.

Yes, these old Evolution engines are better than the new Twin Cams.

No, the ape hangers are actually very comfortable.

Et cetera.

As we talked amiably together, perhaps, I confess, somewhat discourteously — or so it seems to me on reflection — I continued with donning my slim woollen jumper, re-packing my bag, re-fastening the small cargo net over top my packed bike cover, and re-zipping my leather jacket.

Although not my conscious intention — although, perhaps, subconscious, given I had over 400km further to travel that day — the friendly stranger identified a hint in my actions, and neatly segued our conversation towards a conclusion.

Then came his parting words.

“Good luck with your ministry”.

I guess he noticed the licence plate.

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Presumably he was unaware that the Carlini Design handlebars — with which I change direction — bear the moniker “Evil Ape”.

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And perhaps he had failed to notice the words “Bad Boy” — my chosen steed’s model name — clearly inscribed on the air cleaner.

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But I digress.

Setting aside my affinity for incongruity and the coincidentia oppositorum, thank you, kind Sir.

I had not thought of it that way.

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